Renegade
by Naaer- inactive
Summary: Sometimes she doubts him. Oneshot. Thoughts from mid-series 3 to LotTL. Very vaguely implied TenRose


**A/N Well, ignore what I said about not posting for ever. I will find time to post now and then; I'll always have some time when I'm not writing thrilling essays or studying. This quite short anyways. Lots of quotes ahead, not sure if all of them are correct.**

**And:**

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own a single tidbit. Shocking much? All hail the Beebs.**

There are ...some times when Martha wishes she wasn't the only companion on board the TARDIS.

**_"Do it! Just do it! Do it!"_**

Times when she's not quite sure what the Doctor truly is. Even after he'd sat her down after the admittedly traumatizing events of New York (and no, she wasn't going to say that blasted 'new' fifteen times over). Revealed half of his life to her.

Now she understands why his eyes look so worn, so wise and unspeakably ancient.

**_"Go on then. Baptize me."_**

Times when there's that unnerving glint in them. The way his demeanour can change in a heartbeat, eyes fiery and immense.

He's an enigma, concealed in so many layers of mystery. She hasn't traveled with him for long, but she's already beginning to recognize the darkness lurking behind the happy-go-lucky persona.

**_"I'm always alright"_**

But sometimes, he just doesn't _say_ anything. So she has to go digging for answers, whilst aware that she do something to break that fragile shell of his and release a demon.

_**"He said "last of your kind." What does that mean?"**_

Doesn't she have some right to know? In some respect, at least?

****** _It really doesn't matter._**

But then someone, or something reminds him of Her. Then he'll see right through her, mind clearly somewhere else. It makes her feel unwelcome, used.  
But, oh, how her heart sings for him. It begs to differ. _Don't ever leave him_, it tells her. But she has a career, and then - she laughs at the cruel irony. She's to be a doctor too.

Yet it seems she'll never compare.

_**"Rose...she would know." **_

Jealousy, hot and lethal. quickly tamped down by the deep sorrow etched on his features.

**_Still..you're only only a novice.._**

Well, that's hardly fair. His expectations can't be too high, can they? Still. She must be special if she's travelling with him. Even if he is sullen and distant most of the time.

That time she stumbled across a dusty room, laden with trinkets and .._pinkness. _A domestic haven in the midst of this obscure little box, floating through Time.

He'd been incensed when he'd found her there.

Now she thinks even the TARDIS is against her. It clearly had a fondness for Her too, keeping the room like it was.

Or maybe it's him. It's like he's living a life he can't have anymore _through_ her. Apparently.

** "_When you say "last time", was that you and Rose?" _**

If he won't _say_ anything, she has no choice but to step into the fire and ask him, doesn't she?

A flicker of emotions across his features. A glimpse of hope, sorrow emanating the deepest grief. It flashes as her, a warning. The mask comes back out again.

_**"You're taking me to the same planets that you took her?" **_

This stops him in his tracks. Apparently, it had never occurred to him. _What's wrong with that? _

What? What's _wrong_ with that? God, she never would've taken him for an idiot.

**_"'Cept have you heard of the word "rebound?" _**Apparently not. He thinks it's okay, to flaunt his past relationship in her face. She's too hurt to question anymore.

It still boils down to his pick and choosing of what he says and what he keeps hidden. She doesn't expect him to tell all, he is a completely different species after all.

**_"I'm not just a Time Lord, I'm the last of the Time Lords"_**

That's why this life may possibly not be suitable for her. She loves it, the thrilling danger, but she's wasn't meant for a life like that. Anything that was familiar, precious to her was not necessarily taken away, just..hidden.

And now? After walking the damn Earth? It's certainly changed her perceptions.

He's not safe.

How did everyone else cope? Toclafane and the Valiant and..Him. More renegade than the Doctor himself.

Not safe. Her mother had nearly been killed. He was _insane_. There was that blackness, that worrying glint again.  
A force the the Doctor had to reckon with. And so very nearly lost.

Now. Seeing that quaint blue box parked on her street reels her in with a magnetic pull.

No. Not this time.

But she'll be seeing him again. Not sure when, but she needs to get on with her life. Leave the exploring to him.

And as she did, three hearts shattered.

**Like it? Or no? Bit different, isn't it? Reviews plz**


End file.
